The cold
by HiddenPortrait
Summary: Kai's answer to the question: how did you and still do deal with the cruelty at the abbey? The answer may surprise you. Sorta angst but it finishes alrightish. I have another chapter with Tala if this is popular! It's about the abbey and friendship. TalaX
1. Chapter 1

Kai's answer to the question: How did you and continue to deal with the cruelty you received at the abbey?

I was never treated cruelly though sometimes I wish I had been so I wouldn't have this horrible feeling that I'm a cry baby. I was rather treated coldly, there is a difference. Cruelty is purposefully, intentionally making one suffer. No, you see we were never important enough to be treated like that. All they cared about was our abilities-thus the coldness comes into play.

There was not a smile or a good word ever said. We were spoken to when necessary. Eventually the coldness sort of took over you. Boys who had once laughed at the drop of hat stared blankly at you when spoken to or like a startled deer. I suppose the common way of describing the Abbey would be loveless- yes, the common adage "starved for love" would work for the pupils at my former home. We were there to train- that was it and that would have been perfectly fine if at the long day we went home to a warm house and loving family, no one had that though. I guess the difference between cold and cruel is the same as neglect and abuse. Mind you we did get the occasional slap, shove, push and even punch but not enough to be worried about amd we always had food and shelter.

I'll never forget the cold, even now. I'm a warm person(perhaps why I have Dranzer?), well more of a hot person and to be so cold ALL the time was hard. The only warmth I remember from that place was when we showered and when we ate, hot water, hot food. Everything else, physical and emotional was stone cold.

Sometimes when I fell the coldness inside of me and can't get rid of it I'll run a bath as hot as it gets. I'll sit in there while my skin goes as pink as boiled octopus and my skin steams and I won't get out until the water starts to cool. At the Abbey I'd often torture myself; I'd have cold showers and during the day do nothing to keep myself even slightly warm because I knew it had to leave, I had to get used to it.

Nowadays it's hard to be anything but cold exteriorly. I try but my outside wont melt. Inside, though, I am blazing hot. You can plainly see when I bey battle or stand up for my friends (even if they don't realise that's what I'm doing)

There was my little bit of warmth. A companion. You could call us opposites, while my core is one of fiery passion his is icy logic. We went well together, he gave me a shelter from the cold, so my flame wouldn't disappear and to him I gave a little bit of warmth to stop him becoming so cold that he would be unable to let people in. Funny, ice and fire as allies not enemies. To this day we stay that way, ever relying on each other for survival.

So the answer to your question is: I never did have to deal with cruelty only coldness. It is with me always but if I wait out the storm inside this snow shelter my friend has built for me perhaps I will see a sunny day again?

Ok so yeah! Please review. Personally I think Tala's answer was better and it will be coming. i didn't think the abbey could get away with very harsh child abuse…although I do read abbey fics I wanted to try one like this. Mostly coz I was wondering what is the difference between coldness and cruelty? Whats better? I guess I was feeling the cold shoulder at the time! Please review


	2. Tala

Tala's answer to the question: How did you, and still do deal with the cruelty at the Balkov Abbey?

Cruelty? I don't really understand. There really wasn't any intentional cruelty, a smart ass or someone who was being lazy might get a slap to make the lesson stick but I would not call that cruel. In a way it was impersonal, maybe you're referring to that? It didn't bother me though; I never noticed the "chill" everyone else did. I prefer it to be that way, cold. I'm not sure whether preference for warmth or cold is innate or not, if it is then I would be like this anyway but more likely it is my 'oh-so-tragic' past. Don't take offence at me taking light of it but as I have said, I am a cynic, cold and close to emotionless. You see at the tender age of 5 my parents (foster parents that is, I am a test tube baby in the worst sense of the word) died. They burnt to death in their own home and I was there to see it all. It took a long time for me to heal from it. I had 1st degree burns on most of my body but I survived and so I was sent to Boris and hid abbey with a fear of fire and a new found love of the ice that had cooled the agony of my burns. People claim that is when I became cold but I have yet to see proof I wasn't before hand. Any way so at the abbey my new coldness was nurtured and so, unlike many others, I didn't hate my new home. I liked the way nobody expected conversation and when I still had them nobody commented on my scars. They concentrated on themselves and that suited me perfectly. However one can only be so cold, you need a little warmth but I was too afraid of it, of the pain it could bring. One person changed that.

I complained that the water was too hot when I turned on the shower (the heat hurt my scars) so one boy volunteered to go before me, saying that he had cold showers anyway. He was so small, a good few years younger then myself (though later he did have a big growth spurt). He was one of those people you could tell was not meant for the cold. In my mind I could see fire dancing in his eyes (I've looked in mine and all I see is solid ice). For some reason, and I have yet to explain it, I wanted to protect this boy. I think it may have been my logic seeing that he could not survive on his own. A friendship developed. His warmth was gentle enough, perhaps because of the layer of ice that had formed, to not scare me. So I built for him a safe haven, to keep the worst away. He gave me a small hallow in my frozen heart where I may choose to let someone in.

Perhaps some people were treated cruelly here? I wouldn't know, I've never cared to pay attention to others. Perhaps some people find the cold too much but to me it was a refuge from heat. I have not a bad word to say about the abbey. I still live here as it suits me. However I do believe without my fiery little friend this heaven may have trapped me and become my hell.

A/N: ok this one is sooooooo much better then kai's! maybe coz I wrote it second? I dunno. I loved writing it though so I do hope you enjoy it too!


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